Losing Myself?

I’m a new mom: a complete rookie. One minute, I’m single with no kids and the next minute, married with several.  One day, I have a clean house. The next day, peanut butter on the closet door.  I’ve replaced girls-night out with pre-Algebra, restaurants with meal-prep Sundays and personal hobbies with a never-ending monster called “laundry.”

At first, it was new and exciting. I’d eagerly get up to make breakfast for my husband and kiss him goodbye. I thought it was “cute” when the kids wanted to stay up late to spend time with us. But it didn’t take long to catch on to their true motives for staying up past bed.  And soon my husband was making his own coffee at 6am while I slept in.  Truth is,  I started to feel less and less like a new super-mom and felt overwhelmed with the daily demands of time with God, work, getting kids through school, cleaning house AND staying healthy.  I started to feel like taking care of others was beyond my reach.

I felt like I was losing myself.

Then, one of my introverted pre-teens opened up about his past.  It took 9 months but he told me he loved me (and he’s the type of kid who won’t say it if he doesn’t believe it). This thing called trust showed up and it was accompanied by this amazing feeling I had never experienced before! losing myself blog I remember crying to God about why something seemingly so small would touch me so deeply? He answered, reminding me that I had asked him to teach me how to love like him. He reminded me of John 15:13 where no greater love is there than to lay down your life for another.

Yes, I was losing my “old” self; it was dying in the context of family. But old had to dye to make room for a new kind of love and sacrifice as an answer to my own prayers.  God promises something magnificent will come out of this level of giving and it has.  So I choose to keep on serving and believing beyond myself.

What about you? What do you believe is past your capacity that you need God’s help with?

-Luke

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