From Ravage Wilderness to Refreshing Rivers

Just 24 hours ago, I was hanging my head low before God. Feeling depraved, broken and hopeless,  I was shamed for allowing myself to return to the all-to-familiar habits of 5-year-old-survival-101: donuts, shutting down and  worst of all, shutting out God.

Turns out, plunging into my past is emotionally stressful and exhausting.  I wish I could write this and say how strong I’ve been…how brave…but truth is, I am guilty for going everywhere except to the Comforter.   The speed and ease at which I found myself back at square one was alarming and upseting…espeically since now, I’m AWARE of it! (ignorance is easier on the conscious).  Feelings of hypocrisy only intensify one’s self-loathing for lack of right-doing and my response is to…shame myself out of God’s presence.

Such cruel isolation has been my ravage wilderness for far too long. It is not a place I ever thought I’d willingly return.  But its familiar appeal was no match for the freedom I once tasted.  Unwillingly to stay as long as I used to, tonight, I finally lowered my heart and cried out, “Lord! I am drowning in darkness without your presence! I cannot sustain myself in any way. I feel like such a hopeless case! Broken and incapable of helping myself, I need your help, even if I know I don’t deserve it!” 

His response left me speechless for almost two hours. This is what the Lord sang over me at my small group. I pray it blesses you as it blessed me:

There’s a river of love that’s here
There’s a river of grace that’s here.
You’re invited to come and swim within

Fresh winds are blowing
Fresh winds are coming here
The tide, it is rising
The Spirit is moving, He’s moving

Death to the past its gone
Here’s to a new beginning
For your God’s not finished yet with you.

There’s a river of life that’s here
There’s a river of joy that’s here
You’re invited to come and swim within

Only God can take the words and make them come alive. Only He can cause words to penetrate the recesses of our soul and turn doubt into hope. Only His Spirit can turn a moment of despair back into joy.

May you find what I found here: His restorative power washing over you as it replenishes your Faith in His Promise to FINISH the work He started in you and me.  God is GREATER than our sin and doubt and in spite of us, His LOVE will see us through.

Keep Believing. Keep Hoping. Keep Trusting.

-Ang

(song is “River” by BlueTree) 

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